Week 35

I've had a bit of cause for concern this week. I lost what I'm pretty sure was my mucus plug on Thursday (that was 35 weeks, 1 day). This next paragraph may be TMI, so I'm forewarning you.

The mucus plug was basically a long string of, well, mucus. It was about 6 inches long and stretchy, and it would have taken a lot of stretching to get it to break. Since then, I have been having a bit of mucus-like drainage every day that's very slippery when I wipe. Then last night, when I woke up around 1:00 am and had to go to the bathroom, the drainage was tinted brownish red. I'm 35 weeks, 6 days today, by the way.

Well, that freaked me out. The mucus plug I could deal with, and kind of deny that it was a big deal. But the hint of blood scared me. I was up most of the remainder of the night worrying about it. When I got up in the morning, I told my husband about it, and he talked me into calling my doctor. At 5:00 am. I was surprised that the answering service actually had my doctor on the phone for me within about a minute.

I apologized for waking her up, and I explained the situation. She told me that this is all normal, and that by tomorrow I'll be past the point where a delivery would be considered preterm. She said I should not be concerned unless I start having contractions that can be timed, period-level bleeding, or my water breaks.

So that calmed me down a lot. But I'm still anxious, though for a different reason. My 1-year anniversary at work is on May 8th. If I need to go on maternity leave before that time, they aren't legally obligated to hold my job for me or to continue my health insurance. Both are super important, and both were things I took into consideration before trying to get pregnant. I thought I had allowed plenty of time.

I don't even have the nursery ready! We're still moving stuff around. And I don't have the car seat in the car. I did just pack my hospital bag tonight. And I'll get the car seat done tomorrow night. And hopefully I'll get the nursery at least functional this weekend, if not pretty. And then it would be really great if this is just a total false alarm and I don't have to worry about anything until June. Yeah. At this point, I'm trying to just put it in God's hands and relax. After all, worrying definitely won't help the situation.

Week 34

I just had another ultrasound this week. The doctors haven't been able to tell what position the baby is in (head up or down), and that'll be kind of important very soon. I was glad to find that the baby is indeed head down. The head is near my left hip, and then the body curves towards my right hip then up so Baby's bottom is under the ribs on my right side and Baby's legs are under the ribs on my left side.

So now the movements I've been feeling make a bit more sense. I sometimes feel tiny, sharp movements near my left hip, and those are from Baby's hands and arms. I feel larger kicks under the ribs on my left side, and those are from Baby's legs. I also sometimes feel the baby stretching its legs out, and that creates pressure up high on both sides. It's pretty cool to understand what I'm feeling.

Week 32

I just got home from my baby shower. I had a wonderful, exhausting time. I should have enough onesies to get me through the first three months just fine. And gift receipts so I can take stuff back if I decide I need something else. I also got lovely blankets, hooded towels, washcloths, rattles, sleepers, diapers, crib sheets, an adorable home-made quilt, a play center, and many other things. Everyone seemed to have a good time. I didn't get to spend as much time as I'd have liked with people that I don't see enough as it is, but it was still very nice.

It's so amazing to think that Baby will be here in just eight weeks or so, especially when we've been trying for almost four years. It's a little scary, now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm actually going to be a mommy. It's frightening and exciting and miraculous. I would do anything for this baby, give up anything. I hope I'm a good mommy. This child deserves my best.

Week 29

My, time is certainly flying. This pregnancy is nearly 3/4 over! So much for weekly entries, huh?

The last time I went to the doctor, we scheduled all my appointments through the end of my pregnancy. It really brought home how close I am to becoming a mommy. I'm so excited! My next appointment is on March 30th, then the three after that are spaced 2 weeks apart, and then all the rest are only one week apart.

My boss and HR have been great about it. They've been letting me take shorter lunches rather than using vacation hours. I'll have very little vacation time available when I go on leave, but at least it will provide a little more than a week's worth of wages. I've been there such a short time that the rest of my maternity leave will be unpaid. But I knew that before we started trying.

Last week, my team at work surprised me with a little baby shower-type lunch. It was so sweet of them. They put together a diaper cake with a rattle, hand wipes, lotion, a bottle, and a bib that says "I was born cute". They bought an adorable cupcake cake shaped like an umbrella. And then, as if that weren't enough, they also gave me a $50 gift card for Babies R Us. I thought it was so generous and thoughtful of them.

Baby moves a lot now. Sometimes it catches me off guard with a really strong kick, and I let out a little gasp, then look around to make sure no one heard me. I'm not complaining; it's really fun and exciting and comforting.

I've finally signed up for online childbirth classes. Unfortunately, I now have to wait for them to call me so I can pay for it. I guess they're taking baby steps into the online world. I would have liked to have taken classes in person, but it's just too hard with my schedule. I'm glad they have this option. It does include an actual tour of the birthing center and facilities at the hospital, so it's not entirely virtual. That will ease my mind a lot.

Week 21

Oh my goodness, time is just flying right now! I feel like Baby will be here any minute, and there's so much to do!

I went in for an ultrasound on the 20th to finish up finding all the important anatomy bits that the tech couldn't get to the week before. Everything looks great! It's amazing how much they can tell from the ultrasound. They can see indicators of Down's Syndrome, spina bifida, clubfoot, and lots of other developmental stuff. It's so comforting to hear that Baby is developing normally.

The tech also explained to me that I have an anterior placenta. That means my placenta is attached across my belly, which explains why it's taking me so long to feel Baby. It's like there's a big cushion between Baby and my belly.

But! I did feel Baby, the day before the 2nd ultrasound! I think the feeling is best described as popcorn popping. It was a couple of inches below my belly button. Then on Friday the 22nd, I felt Baby again, this time towards my left side. My arm happened to be resting there, and I even felt it against my arm. Very cool. I'm sure I'll soon be feeling Baby all the time.

20 Weeks

Half way there! It's amazing. Time is flying swiftly, and there's so much that needs to be done. We haven't signed up for childbirth classes yet. The future nursery must be cleaned out. We should get a registry started at Babies R Us. We haven't even begun to discuss names. I know we'll get to all that, but only if I keep it towards the front of my mind.

In the meantime, I went to this website called MorphThing that lets you morph two facial images together. They have a lot of celebrity head shots, so you can play around with that, but they also have a feature that allows you to upload pictures of yourself and your partner to see what your child might look like. Here's what it came up with for us:Pretty cute, huh? Now, I in no way expect this to be accurate. There are far too many genetic variables between my husband and myself. I'm blonde, his hair is black. My eyes are blue, his are this weird combination of clearly delineated green and brown caused by a genetic mutation called sectoral heterochromia. My nose is a little long and thin, his is flatter and rounder. I have virtually no upper lip, his lips are very plump. We're both white, but between our two families (factoring in only parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and first cousins), you will find every hair color, eye color, and skin tone possible within our race. It's a bit like trying to predict the outcome of throwing 23 dice. That makes it all the more exciting to me.

19 Weeks

I had my 20-week ultrasound this morning, but I'm still in the 19th week. I'm 19 weeks, 5 days today. Just wanted to make that clear so you know I really am doing the 19 weeks entry at the right time. ;)

Anyway, I was really looking forward to this ultrasound because I've been waiting with bated breath for any signs of movement from Baby and haven't felt anything. But there was definite movement on the ultrasound! My husband came with me, and he was so happy he did. We saw Baby's face, hands, feet, arms, legs, brain, spine, heart...unfortunately, Baby was covering up certain key parts and refused to cooperate no matter how I turned or wiggled or how the ultrasound tech tried to jostle it, so I need to go back next week for another one. The ultrasound tech wasn't able to get a good enough view of the heart, diaphram, and sacrum to make sure they're normal. She said to drink a pop or eat some candy before my next one so baby will move more. Isn't it odd that you can give your fetus a sugar rush?

Baby is around 10 ounces right now, which the ultrasound tech says is normal. It's heartbeat was about 153 beats per minute, which my doctor said was good. She also said my weight gain (about 11 pounds) is just right. Hooray for all that!

The ultrasound tech also said my placenta is in such a spot that it may make it more difficult for me to feel movement. So I may not feel it yet for quite a while. Now that I've tried to find out what that might mean, I'm a little concerned that I might have Placenta Praevia, which might make delivery a little more dangerous. I'll have to ask my doctor the next time I see her.

But all in all, lots of good news there!

18 Weeks

I've almost allowed week 18 to go by without an entry, but not quite.

Did I mention that my dad took me shopping for maternity clothes? I don't recall. But I must say, maternity pants are the most comfortable thing ever. I bought several pairs with tops that are roughly 3 inches of elastic. It basically feels like I'm wearing pajama pants.

The pregnancy heating phenomenon is beginning to kick in. I can now get by with wearing slightly lighter clothing than I normally would. So on a day when I would have worn a heavy sweater, I only need a light one. On a day when I would have worn a long-sleeved shirt, I can get by with 3/4 sleeves. It's pretty nice. I still don't trust it entirely, though, so sometimes I still dress on the warm side.

I know there was something else I wanted to write, but I have no idea what it was. So I guess I'll sign off for now.

17 Weeks and Counting

I had another OB appointment last week. We listened to Baby's heartbeat (142 beats per minute). My OB said that's a normal speed, and my uterus is a normal size for being this far along.

I've gained 10 pounds so far. My husband has relaxed a bit about feeding me to bursting. It's pretty clear I'm gaining weight like I should.

My jeans are officially too tight. I'm using a hair tie to fasten them and wearing long tops to cover it up. I just wore a maternity top for the first time today. A friend of mine gave me about a dozen tops and three dresses, which was just amazingly generous.

The morning sickness is almost completely gone! Very exciting! I still have the bad taste sometimes, but I think it might be acid reflux.

Everyone I talk to at work knows I'm pregnant now. It makes for some interesting conversations. Some people are a bit too free with advice, but then I knew that would happen. One guy, who has a bad habit of telling me I should do things I don't want to anyway, keeps saying I'm going to have to cut my hair. Uh, no. I think I'll manage.

I'll try to update more regularly. I know I'll want a good account of all this somewhere down the line.

The Announcement Has Been Made

Well, by this time, most everyone and their dog knows that I'm pregnant. I told my parents and stepdaughter when they came over for dinner at Thanksgiving, and then I made a general announcement on Facebook and at my other blog. I know my mom's been spreading the news, but I can't be sure that my dad has. It's in his family's nature not to share news.

Tomorrow, I have to make sure to tell my superiors at work and possibly talk to the HR person. I need to make it clear that I intend to return to work after all this is over.

Anyway, my morning sickness hasn't eased up any. It's kind of frustrating that I have to eat all the time just so I don't feel like throwing up. Peppermints help somewhat. It's a good thing Christmas is coming up so I can find it readily and in abundant quantities. And I've been experiencing a metallic taste in my mouth, too. I looked it up, and apparently a lot of pregnant women get that. It's supposed to go away when the morning sickness goes away. Which is supposed to be any day now. I hope.

At least the sensitivity in my breasts has died down a bit.

My stomach is definitely growing. My lower back has begun itching, I think because the skin is beginning to stretch. I've also been having some bad headaches. My lower back is starting to hurt, too. Thankfully, Tylenol takes care of those.

Right now, the baby is about the size of a peach. It seems kind of big, but it also seems pretty small. I've successfully passed the 1st trimester, so I'm 1/3 of the way there!

It's Official! Kind of.

Well, it's as official as it can be, so I'm going to take that as a good thing. I had my first OB appointment this morning. The doctor said my ultrasound looked great. She felt my uterus and said it feels like it's the right size.

Between now and my next appointment, I have to go get blood taken to make sure everything looks ok. I'll try to do that sooner rather than later.

That's partly because I'd really like to be able to announce my pregnancy to the potential sister and grandparents on Thanksgiving. I'd like to know if there's anything wrong before then, for obvious reasons. I'll announce it then whether I get my labs back by then or not. Should be fun!

Good News at Last!

I had an ultrasound on Thursday, and the baby looks great! This is the first time I've ever gotten this far with a pregnancy!

We were able to see the baby's heartbeat and record it; it's beating at about 182 beats per minute, which is a healthy rate at this stage. The nurse measured the baby, and she estimated it was 9 weeks, 6 days old. That matches up pretty closely to the actual 10 weeks, 2 days, especially when you take into consideration the fact that I ovulate around day 21 when most women ovulate around day 14.

The baby even moved while we watched. It moved quite a lot, actually, and the nurse said that as well. It even turned over. It's so nice to be able to see that when I've been so unsure.

I was supposed to have my first OB exam that day as well, but my doctor was called away for an emergency C-section. We re-scheduled for tomorrow, so we'll soon see how that goes.

Long Time, No Update

I've been meaning to update this blog for a long time. Much has happened, so I'm just going to give you a rough outline/timeline.

• In February or thereabouts, I completed all my Ob/Gyn's tests and was told that they couldn't find anything wrong with either my husband or myself. It was a little frustrating because I wanted there to be a problem that could be fixed. Knowing that I miscarried twice for no particular reason was not encouraging. But my husband and I were looking forward to being able to try again.
• Around the middle of March, I learned that I was about to lose my job. My boss gathered us all together and said that the office was being closed and the two of us who had "support" roles would be let go as of July 1. My health insurance comes from my job, so I knew we couldn't afford to try for a baby at that point.
• I managed to find a different job by early May, which was a blessing. I signed up for health insurance right away, but it would not go into effect until after I had been employed for 90 days. When the insurance was about to go into effect, I found out that my new employer would only have to hold my job for me during maternity leave if I were there for a full year before going on leave. Just to be safe, I waited another month.
• After trying for only one month, I'm pregnant again! My last cycle began on August 26th, which means I'm about 6 weeks along. My due date is sometime around the end of May or beginning of June.
  

So, now we're caught up. I'll have my first ultrasound and appointment on November 5th. I'll be about 10 weeks along at that point. Currently, my breasts are huge and painful and I'm constantly queasy. I'm eating tons, thanks to a husband who's determined that I should gain as much weight as humanly possible. I'll probably gain too much weight, but I suppose an overweight newborn is better off than an underweight newborn. I'm not thinking much about the baby because I don't want to get attached at this point. I'll have a much better idea of what may happen after my first appointment.

Test Time

I've taken a rather long break from trying to conceive since my second miscarriage. My doctor was concerned that further attempts would end in further miscarriages, and I certainly don't want to subject myself to that.

I visited an OB/GYN on Dec. 22. She's friendly and knowledgeable, a good combination. Right now, she has both my husband and myself going through a series of tests. We both have to have our blood tested. The doctor says it's possible that my chromosomes are fine and my husband's chromosomes are fine, but some fatal flaw happens when we combine them. My husband's semen is being tested for sperm count, shape, and mobility (basically, are there lots of sperm, are they shaped right, and do they swim forward). Then in a little over a week, I need to get a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) Basically, they inject dye into the uterus and fallopian tubes and then do an X-ray to see if there are any blockages or growths. The doctor says it can be painful and feel like bad cramps, so I should take the maximum dose of my pain reliever of choice before I go in. So that's where we stand now. Currently, we've completed two of the four initial tests. Once we get the results from this initial set of tests, either we'll have our answer or the doctor will have me take more tests.

In the mean time, the doctor wants me to try not to conceive.

Miscarriage Update

I went in for the quantitative HCG test yesterday, but I haven't heard what the results are. Last night, I had pain that I thought was from being constipated and having that push up against my bruised insides, but this morning I found out I was wrong about that. I expelled more "tissue" that I think might have been the embryo. I put it in a sterile container that I already had from the lab and took it in. I know it sounds weird to say it "might have been the embryo," but I really can't be sure. If you're easily grossed out, skip to the next paragraph now. It felt hard, and it looked like it had a head, a neck, and a body, but other than that, there were no discernable "details".

I cried over this fresh loss and thought about keeping it and burying it, but I decided that it will serve a better purpose if it can be examined and we can get closer to understanding why I've miscarried twice in a row. If it had a soul, that soul is already elsewhere. Examining the body will not hurt the soul, and that's the important thing.

I do believe in God and heaven, but I don't feel strongly one way or the other regarding if people are already in heaven or if we all go to heaven at the same time on the judgement day. But I had a conversation with my Grandma Mary, just in case she is already in heaven. I asked her to find my babies and take care of them until I get there. I told her that I'm sure my other grandmas and great-aunts will be happy to help, but I want her to be their primary guardian. It sounds kind of silly, but it comforted me. Grandma Mary always took good care of me, and I know she'd do the same for my babies.

Miscarriage #2

Well, I've miscarried again. I had an appointment for a second ultrasound, but I canceled it because I knew the miscarriage had already began. On the two days before the ultrasound appointment, I lost the mucus plug (it's what keeps your cervix closed so nothing can get in and hurt the pregnancy). On the day of the ultrasound appointment, I was beginning to spot blood. On Thursday the 16th, I woke up at 3:00 in the morning with very bad cramps and heavy bleeding. Midol and Ibuprofen did nothing to dull the pain. By late morning, I had passed the gestational sac into the toilet. I had wanted to try to catch it so that it could be examined by a doctor, but I failed. I did manage to save a bit of tissue and took that into the lab on Monday (I was in too much pain to go anywhere on Thursday or Friday). I'm still bleeding lightly, but it's waning.

My new nurse practitioner called and left a message yesterday after I dropped off the tissue. She said that I was supposed to come in for a follow-up hgc test, but I never heard her tell me to do that. I called her back this morning, but I haven't heard back from her yet. Depending on what she says, it looks like my next step is to go to an OB-GYN and start doing tests to figure out why I can't have a successful pregnancy. There is one OB-GYN at that clinic, but he's a man, so I may end up going elsewhere.

I'm upset about this miscarriage, but it's not as bad as the first one. I never really allowed myself to become attached this time. But I am having horrible headaches and I'm not dealing with stress at work as well as normal.

Week Ten

I had my first ultrasound this morning, and I did not get encouraging news. The doctor was able to see the sac that should contain the fetus (I forget the sac's name), but the only thing he could find that might have been the fetus was about the size of a 6-week fetus, not a 10-week fetus. There was no evident heartbeat. I have another ultrasound on October 7 at a place with a better ultrasound machine, and the hope is that more development will occur by that time and/or they'll be able to get a better picture of what's going on.

I've been crying most of the morning. This feels too much like a repeat of last year. I hope that I get good news from the next ultrasound, but I kind of doubt it. I have an appointment for an exam on Monday, so I'll talk to my doctor about all this then.

Week Nine

I have been feeling really crummy since Monday with a bad sinus cold. I've also had very little morning sickness since then which worries me because morning sickness is a good indicator that everything is going well with the baby. I'm hoping that it'll come back with a vengeance once I've shaken this cold. Is it odd to hope for bad morning sickness? My ultrasound is not until the 26th, so I have lots of time to worry about whether the baby will appear or not. In the meantime, I'm just trying to take care of myself and get this cold out of my system.

Week Eight

I'm now seven weeks and two days into my pregnancy. I went to the doctor today for urine and blood tests. I go back on the 26th for my first ultrasound and on the 29th for a full OB exam.

I've been getting nauseated throughout the day, but I haven't vomited any. The doctor suggested I go to a health food store and get some crystallized ginger. Apparently, a lot of women find that ginger helps their morning sickness. I might look into that.

Other than that, no changes to report.

Week Seven

I'm on day 43. Divide that by 7 days in a week, and that means I've completed 6 weeks and am beginning week 7. I just got back from the clinic where I was given their official pregnancy test, and it came back positive! That was a big relief. I will have an "OB intake" exam next Thursday, so hopefully everything will go well there.

Body-wise, I've noticed that I'm beginning to be ridiculously hungry about an hour and a half after lunch. And I can feel slight symptoms of nausea, but nothing serious (at least not at this point). Also, my breasts are really sore. It's worst when I take off my bra and they aren't being held up by anything. Oh, and my clothes are getting tighter. But wearing maternity clothes would be a bit of a giveaway since I don't intend to tell anyone I'm pregnant until the 1st trimester is safely past.