Good News at Last!

I had an ultrasound on Thursday, and the baby looks great! This is the first time I've ever gotten this far with a pregnancy!

We were able to see the baby's heartbeat and record it; it's beating at about 182 beats per minute, which is a healthy rate at this stage. The nurse measured the baby, and she estimated it was 9 weeks, 6 days old. That matches up pretty closely to the actual 10 weeks, 2 days, especially when you take into consideration the fact that I ovulate around day 21 when most women ovulate around day 14.

The baby even moved while we watched. It moved quite a lot, actually, and the nurse said that as well. It even turned over. It's so nice to be able to see that when I've been so unsure.

I was supposed to have my first OB exam that day as well, but my doctor was called away for an emergency C-section. We re-scheduled for tomorrow, so we'll soon see how that goes.

Long Time, No Update

I've been meaning to update this blog for a long time. Much has happened, so I'm just going to give you a rough outline/timeline.

• In February or thereabouts, I completed all my Ob/Gyn's tests and was told that they couldn't find anything wrong with either my husband or myself. It was a little frustrating because I wanted there to be a problem that could be fixed. Knowing that I miscarried twice for no particular reason was not encouraging. But my husband and I were looking forward to being able to try again.
• Around the middle of March, I learned that I was about to lose my job. My boss gathered us all together and said that the office was being closed and the two of us who had "support" roles would be let go as of July 1. My health insurance comes from my job, so I knew we couldn't afford to try for a baby at that point.
• I managed to find a different job by early May, which was a blessing. I signed up for health insurance right away, but it would not go into effect until after I had been employed for 90 days. When the insurance was about to go into effect, I found out that my new employer would only have to hold my job for me during maternity leave if I were there for a full year before going on leave. Just to be safe, I waited another month.
• After trying for only one month, I'm pregnant again! My last cycle began on August 26th, which means I'm about 6 weeks along. My due date is sometime around the end of May or beginning of June.
  

So, now we're caught up. I'll have my first ultrasound and appointment on November 5th. I'll be about 10 weeks along at that point. Currently, my breasts are huge and painful and I'm constantly queasy. I'm eating tons, thanks to a husband who's determined that I should gain as much weight as humanly possible. I'll probably gain too much weight, but I suppose an overweight newborn is better off than an underweight newborn. I'm not thinking much about the baby because I don't want to get attached at this point. I'll have a much better idea of what may happen after my first appointment.

Test Time

I've taken a rather long break from trying to conceive since my second miscarriage. My doctor was concerned that further attempts would end in further miscarriages, and I certainly don't want to subject myself to that.

I visited an OB/GYN on Dec. 22. She's friendly and knowledgeable, a good combination. Right now, she has both my husband and myself going through a series of tests. We both have to have our blood tested. The doctor says it's possible that my chromosomes are fine and my husband's chromosomes are fine, but some fatal flaw happens when we combine them. My husband's semen is being tested for sperm count, shape, and mobility (basically, are there lots of sperm, are they shaped right, and do they swim forward). Then in a little over a week, I need to get a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) Basically, they inject dye into the uterus and fallopian tubes and then do an X-ray to see if there are any blockages or growths. The doctor says it can be painful and feel like bad cramps, so I should take the maximum dose of my pain reliever of choice before I go in. So that's where we stand now. Currently, we've completed two of the four initial tests. Once we get the results from this initial set of tests, either we'll have our answer or the doctor will have me take more tests.

In the mean time, the doctor wants me to try not to conceive.

Miscarriage Update

I went in for the quantitative HCG test yesterday, but I haven't heard what the results are. Last night, I had pain that I thought was from being constipated and having that push up against my bruised insides, but this morning I found out I was wrong about that. I expelled more "tissue" that I think might have been the embryo. I put it in a sterile container that I already had from the lab and took it in. I know it sounds weird to say it "might have been the embryo," but I really can't be sure. If you're easily grossed out, skip to the next paragraph now. It felt hard, and it looked like it had a head, a neck, and a body, but other than that, there were no discernable "details".

I cried over this fresh loss and thought about keeping it and burying it, but I decided that it will serve a better purpose if it can be examined and we can get closer to understanding why I've miscarried twice in a row. If it had a soul, that soul is already elsewhere. Examining the body will not hurt the soul, and that's the important thing.

I do believe in God and heaven, but I don't feel strongly one way or the other regarding if people are already in heaven or if we all go to heaven at the same time on the judgement day. But I had a conversation with my Grandma Mary, just in case she is already in heaven. I asked her to find my babies and take care of them until I get there. I told her that I'm sure my other grandmas and great-aunts will be happy to help, but I want her to be their primary guardian. It sounds kind of silly, but it comforted me. Grandma Mary always took good care of me, and I know she'd do the same for my babies.

Miscarriage #2

Well, I've miscarried again. I had an appointment for a second ultrasound, but I canceled it because I knew the miscarriage had already began. On the two days before the ultrasound appointment, I lost the mucus plug (it's what keeps your cervix closed so nothing can get in and hurt the pregnancy). On the day of the ultrasound appointment, I was beginning to spot blood. On Thursday the 16th, I woke up at 3:00 in the morning with very bad cramps and heavy bleeding. Midol and Ibuprofen did nothing to dull the pain. By late morning, I had passed the gestational sac into the toilet. I had wanted to try to catch it so that it could be examined by a doctor, but I failed. I did manage to save a bit of tissue and took that into the lab on Monday (I was in too much pain to go anywhere on Thursday or Friday). I'm still bleeding lightly, but it's waning.

My new nurse practitioner called and left a message yesterday after I dropped off the tissue. She said that I was supposed to come in for a follow-up hgc test, but I never heard her tell me to do that. I called her back this morning, but I haven't heard back from her yet. Depending on what she says, it looks like my next step is to go to an OB-GYN and start doing tests to figure out why I can't have a successful pregnancy. There is one OB-GYN at that clinic, but he's a man, so I may end up going elsewhere.

I'm upset about this miscarriage, but it's not as bad as the first one. I never really allowed myself to become attached this time. But I am having horrible headaches and I'm not dealing with stress at work as well as normal.

Week Ten

I had my first ultrasound this morning, and I did not get encouraging news. The doctor was able to see the sac that should contain the fetus (I forget the sac's name), but the only thing he could find that might have been the fetus was about the size of a 6-week fetus, not a 10-week fetus. There was no evident heartbeat. I have another ultrasound on October 7 at a place with a better ultrasound machine, and the hope is that more development will occur by that time and/or they'll be able to get a better picture of what's going on.

I've been crying most of the morning. This feels too much like a repeat of last year. I hope that I get good news from the next ultrasound, but I kind of doubt it. I have an appointment for an exam on Monday, so I'll talk to my doctor about all this then.

Week Nine

I have been feeling really crummy since Monday with a bad sinus cold. I've also had very little morning sickness since then which worries me because morning sickness is a good indicator that everything is going well with the baby. I'm hoping that it'll come back with a vengeance once I've shaken this cold. Is it odd to hope for bad morning sickness? My ultrasound is not until the 26th, so I have lots of time to worry about whether the baby will appear or not. In the meantime, I'm just trying to take care of myself and get this cold out of my system.