Test Time

I've taken a rather long break from trying to conceive since my second miscarriage. My doctor was concerned that further attempts would end in further miscarriages, and I certainly don't want to subject myself to that.

I visited an OB/GYN on Dec. 22. She's friendly and knowledgeable, a good combination. Right now, she has both my husband and myself going through a series of tests. We both have to have our blood tested. The doctor says it's possible that my chromosomes are fine and my husband's chromosomes are fine, but some fatal flaw happens when we combine them. My husband's semen is being tested for sperm count, shape, and mobility (basically, are there lots of sperm, are they shaped right, and do they swim forward). Then in a little over a week, I need to get a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) Basically, they inject dye into the uterus and fallopian tubes and then do an X-ray to see if there are any blockages or growths. The doctor says it can be painful and feel like bad cramps, so I should take the maximum dose of my pain reliever of choice before I go in. So that's where we stand now. Currently, we've completed two of the four initial tests. Once we get the results from this initial set of tests, either we'll have our answer or the doctor will have me take more tests.

In the mean time, the doctor wants me to try not to conceive.

Miscarriage Update

I went in for the quantitative HCG test yesterday, but I haven't heard what the results are. Last night, I had pain that I thought was from being constipated and having that push up against my bruised insides, but this morning I found out I was wrong about that. I expelled more "tissue" that I think might have been the embryo. I put it in a sterile container that I already had from the lab and took it in. I know it sounds weird to say it "might have been the embryo," but I really can't be sure. If you're easily grossed out, skip to the next paragraph now. It felt hard, and it looked like it had a head, a neck, and a body, but other than that, there were no discernable "details".

I cried over this fresh loss and thought about keeping it and burying it, but I decided that it will serve a better purpose if it can be examined and we can get closer to understanding why I've miscarried twice in a row. If it had a soul, that soul is already elsewhere. Examining the body will not hurt the soul, and that's the important thing.

I do believe in God and heaven, but I don't feel strongly one way or the other regarding if people are already in heaven or if we all go to heaven at the same time on the judgement day. But I had a conversation with my Grandma Mary, just in case she is already in heaven. I asked her to find my babies and take care of them until I get there. I told her that I'm sure my other grandmas and great-aunts will be happy to help, but I want her to be their primary guardian. It sounds kind of silly, but it comforted me. Grandma Mary always took good care of me, and I know she'd do the same for my babies.

Miscarriage #2

Well, I've miscarried again. I had an appointment for a second ultrasound, but I canceled it because I knew the miscarriage had already began. On the two days before the ultrasound appointment, I lost the mucus plug (it's what keeps your cervix closed so nothing can get in and hurt the pregnancy). On the day of the ultrasound appointment, I was beginning to spot blood. On Thursday the 16th, I woke up at 3:00 in the morning with very bad cramps and heavy bleeding. Midol and Ibuprofen did nothing to dull the pain. By late morning, I had passed the gestational sac into the toilet. I had wanted to try to catch it so that it could be examined by a doctor, but I failed. I did manage to save a bit of tissue and took that into the lab on Monday (I was in too much pain to go anywhere on Thursday or Friday). I'm still bleeding lightly, but it's waning.

My new nurse practitioner called and left a message yesterday after I dropped off the tissue. She said that I was supposed to come in for a follow-up hgc test, but I never heard her tell me to do that. I called her back this morning, but I haven't heard back from her yet. Depending on what she says, it looks like my next step is to go to an OB-GYN and start doing tests to figure out why I can't have a successful pregnancy. There is one OB-GYN at that clinic, but he's a man, so I may end up going elsewhere.

I'm upset about this miscarriage, but it's not as bad as the first one. I never really allowed myself to become attached this time. But I am having horrible headaches and I'm not dealing with stress at work as well as normal.

Week Ten

I had my first ultrasound this morning, and I did not get encouraging news. The doctor was able to see the sac that should contain the fetus (I forget the sac's name), but the only thing he could find that might have been the fetus was about the size of a 6-week fetus, not a 10-week fetus. There was no evident heartbeat. I have another ultrasound on October 7 at a place with a better ultrasound machine, and the hope is that more development will occur by that time and/or they'll be able to get a better picture of what's going on.

I've been crying most of the morning. This feels too much like a repeat of last year. I hope that I get good news from the next ultrasound, but I kind of doubt it. I have an appointment for an exam on Monday, so I'll talk to my doctor about all this then.

Week Nine

I have been feeling really crummy since Monday with a bad sinus cold. I've also had very little morning sickness since then which worries me because morning sickness is a good indicator that everything is going well with the baby. I'm hoping that it'll come back with a vengeance once I've shaken this cold. Is it odd to hope for bad morning sickness? My ultrasound is not until the 26th, so I have lots of time to worry about whether the baby will appear or not. In the meantime, I'm just trying to take care of myself and get this cold out of my system.

Week Eight

I'm now seven weeks and two days into my pregnancy. I went to the doctor today for urine and blood tests. I go back on the 26th for my first ultrasound and on the 29th for a full OB exam.

I've been getting nauseated throughout the day, but I haven't vomited any. The doctor suggested I go to a health food store and get some crystallized ginger. Apparently, a lot of women find that ginger helps their morning sickness. I might look into that.

Other than that, no changes to report.

Week Seven

I'm on day 43. Divide that by 7 days in a week, and that means I've completed 6 weeks and am beginning week 7. I just got back from the clinic where I was given their official pregnancy test, and it came back positive! That was a big relief. I will have an "OB intake" exam next Thursday, so hopefully everything will go well there.

Body-wise, I've noticed that I'm beginning to be ridiculously hungry about an hour and a half after lunch. And I can feel slight symptoms of nausea, but nothing serious (at least not at this point). Also, my breasts are really sore. It's worst when I take off my bra and they aren't being held up by anything. Oh, and my clothes are getting tighter. But wearing maternity clothes would be a bit of a giveaway since I don't intend to tell anyone I'm pregnant until the 1st trimester is safely past.